sunshine through the fog

we're in the midst of preparing for ours (or rather, gearing up for it...)

meanwhile i receive another 2 wedding invitations. so this year i've got 3 weddings to go to. pretty evenly spread out, i must say - feb, mar, jun. and the year's just beginning... this is a good year for marriage i guess.  

i used to believe that marriage is but a piece of paper, a legality, a social ceremony. not very important. but more than 2 years of being together, a big part of which has us living together, an incident in the past month has shown me what this legality means to others. it's a silly little thing. nobody means to hurt anyone. but silly me still got hurt. makes sense? probably not. but because it's so silly i don't want to repeat it and remind myself / anyone else of it.

let's just say i finally feel the need for marriage. the need to be legit. 

gone are the days of clubbing and count-downs. we don't celebrate x'mas. to us, it's just another much-welcomed holiday to rest and vegetate. don't even feel like going out for meals as believe most places will be

1. crowded
2. serving exorbitant and below-par xmas sets
3. crowded
4. crowded
5. crowded

so we've not actually been out of the house the whole of x'mas! meals are all provided by moi (what's new? :p). 

gosh... sounds like we're turning into hermits!?!??!! oh well...

 x'mas eve dinner...

x'mas brunch...

x'mas dinner...

<no photos - forgot =_=>

<basically it's just simple homely stuff i.e. 老黄瓜汤 + vegs + rice>

hermits or hermits, we had a nice leisurely x'mas. you? :) 

today...

i certainly don't feel 30.

nor, i'm repeatedly told by well-meaning friends et al, do i look 30.

but i am going to be 30. in 30 mins time...  

it's just a number, i know. doesn't mean much, really. and frankly, not much impact to me.

except, i still do feel... ... ...

kinda old... :p

and i'm still wide awake. once in a while, i get these bouts of insomnia.

hate it.

hate it hate it hate it.

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finally we start planning our wedding. have got list of dates. have sent list of dates out to hotels checking availability.

that's how far we've come... :p

but i'm looking forward to it. not to the actual dinner and humdrum, truth be told. but the officiality of it. something that i used to think didn't bother me but which i now know better - it does. 

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life is really unpredictable, you know. very scary.

anyone who's known me for long enough, well enough would've sensed how much i've changed over the past year and a half ever since then.

change. for the better or for the worse? a bit of each, i guess. on the plus side, i think i've got my priorities (more) right now. i know what's important to me and what's really superficial. there're things i used to hold high but now, i'd give them up at the snap for people i'd never leave voluntarily. 

but i've also become a coward. i live in constant fear. constant apprehension. of bad things happening. to my loved ones. to me. i think undesirable thoughts of what i'd do should these bad things happen. paranoia? i hope that's what it really is. because it's only paranoia if it never happens, right?

but then, i chanced upon this that day. it's a food blog i used to frequent. then she stopped posting since oct last year and i stopped going. a link took me back and i realise the blog's been updated since sep this year. and it's taken me aback - what she updated. i was shocked and surprised. and confused. she's got cancer. but still she sounds so upbeat and positive - even continuing to post recipes as part of her journey. she even sounds cheery.

i want to ask why. but i know the answer i'd get. it's in her blog too.

but i don't.  

i do respect and admire her very much for her positiveness nevertheless.

eatzybitzy - if you're reading this, i wish you all the best and a real speedy recovery.

It's long overdue. This being the 3rd trip we took to this year.

I'm just too lazy. Some photos...

But first, the specs:

What: Packaged tour

Where: South Kore

When:  22 ~ 29 Oct 2007

Who: Us

How: Korea Air (sigh... part of package)

Food Glorious Food.. How much we ate... 

Bibimbap, kimchi, bibimbap, kimchi, porridge, kimchi, bbq pork chicken pork chicken, kimchi kimchi,more kimchi, steamboat, kimchi, breakfast buffets, kimchi kimchi kimchi, spicy fried nian gao + bbq chicken, kimchi... 

And one of my fav - the ginseng chicken. They add mee sua in theirs - slightly thicker than what we're used to in sg but ooo so yummy... I wish they do that here... 

One of the items on the itinerary was an hour-long shopping thing at some underground mall that was so decrepit and stuffy we popped out after 10 mins. And what a wise decision that turned out to be!

Discovered this quaint little fish market selling all sorts of kimchi, weird-looking sea/river creatures, and even whole pig heads sitting on countertops! How convenient for ah-longs. "Hmmm... this looks nice and fresh. Just the right size and facial expression. It'd look mighty good hanging on xxx's door!" :p

 Also chanced upon this really adorable ah ma on the streets of jeju selling what I've always wanted to try - those dip-stick-into-soup-pot thinggies! Been wondering what they are everytime I watch those Korean dramas. Guess?  It's actually sticks of fish cake! Kinda like the 甜不辣 in Taiwan. They also have this deep fried pastry thing that's like our ham jin piang but instead of red bean, they're filled with some sort of caramel mix. Very very addictive. Regretted not buying more. Hee...

 And of course, beautiful maple leaves, scenery + lotsa touristy touristy stuff...

 Last but not least, our favourite pose...

Happy Birthday my dearest friend!

It's another milestone. Or is it just another number? Whatever it is, it's an indication that we're neither of us young things. You a mother of two. Me... still growing up. Hahaa...

How long we've come. 18? 17? Who cares? It's but another number.

What I do care is we've many many more years to go.

And we'll still be there. I for you. You for me. We for each other.

Thanks for being there all these years. Through the good and the bad.

I'm so glad I've got you by my side... 

妳不再在我身边了 不知道还可不可以对妳说。。。

生日 快乐。。。

妳永远在我心中 最深处

无时 无刻 

 我多希望 妳看见

我的幸福

... here I come!!! :D

 work's been a killer. making me reconsider. re-self-evaluate. 

can't wait. counting down... 3 more (working) days...

*******************************************************

i realise my blog's dying on me. my urge to write's dying on me. i'll read about something and feel the 感动 to pen something on it. but most of the time i make it as far as the log-in or even the new post click. but faced with a blank screen and other tabs waiting to be surfed... 

i'm not a patient person. that i've known and seen it demonstrated countless times. at work, at home, at me.

 *******************************************************

 anyway, this is what i wanted to blog about that day.

yes - i read her. yes - it's a long post. yes - i do have the tendency to gloss over sometimes when she starts getting "theoretical".

if you, like me, lack the patience, then go ahead and skip forward to the section THE REALITY.

 i actually rather (ok, very much) agree with her. 2 things:-

• life, is about choices. (and regrets)
• i choose love, partnership, family 

 and this, is something i only really appreciate as i proceed to step over the 30 mark.

the things i value and look forward to now are worlds apart from that i strove for 5 years ago.

and the really lucky thing?

i think i actually have got most of it now. the really important ones that matter.

and what i've lost? it's outta my hands.  

我想　“怕死”　可能比较恰当吧。

自那件事后　我就非常非常害怕死亡。其实，这对我来说也不可以说是太新鲜的事。因为我很小的时候常常会自个儿躺在床上睡不着　胡思乱想。我常常担心我父母比其他同年龄朋友的父母年长这回事。会害怕说他们不在了　我和弟弟怎么办。

但那都是很小的事了。大概过了小学我就没再想这些有的没的了。直到一年前。

这一年来　我都在提心吊胆。担心害怕失去我的致爱。担心再次被抛下　被遗弃。虽然不是出自自愿的　但。。。

今天看了一部旧片。诉说这名女子偶然得知自己只剩下一星期生命后的故事。觉得好恐怖。开始联想如果那是自己会怎么办。好可怕。

最近我真的象是活在一个自我恐吓的状态。尽然我深知自己多么愚笨。这些想法多么无价值。同时也对爱我的人是个负荷。

我想让你知道－我知道。我会努力。努力不再消极。努力把握每一刻。活在现在。不再让你那么累。。。

I don't wanna go bald!!!!!

How to grow hair back???????

*boohoo*